


Can I Have Your Son For The Rest Of My Life?

by ruff_ethereal



Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: F/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:19:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4281798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sashi confesses to Brock and Vonnie that she and Penn are dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Have Your Son For The Rest Of My Life?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radiowrittenheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> No matter how the author may disagree with the lyrical content of Magic!'s song, "Rude," they do agree that it makes a fine parody title.

“You know you don't have to do this, Sash.”

“I know that!” Sashi snapped. “But I _want_ to, alright?” The look on her face softened. “You faced _my_ parents alone and told them about us, now I'm going to do the same with yours.”

“Yeah, I did, but that was just me being a dork, remember?”

“I _know!_ But still, it's just not fair if you have to go through that while I don't just because I'm the woman in the relationship." Sashi looked away. "It's pretty sexist, now that I think about it...”

Penn shrugged. “To be fair, women do deserve the better treatment, always—everyone knows you girls work your butts off constantly being better than us guys and cleaning up after our messes.”

Sashi smiled. “Right. And _because_ I am a woman, you're going to hand me your MUHU right now, and I'm finally going to get this over with.”

Penn reached for his MUHU, but his fingers stopped hovering just over the device. “Last chance, Sash: are you _sure_ about this?”

“No.” flashed through Sashi's mind, but “Yes.” left her lips.

Penn unclipped his MUHU from his belt and handed it over to Sashi. He placed it in her palm and placed his other hand under it, clasping Sashi's hand and giving her a reassuring look before he left his room, and locked the door behind him.

Sashi stared at the device in her hand. _'T_ _oo late to back out_ _now_ _,_ _'_ she thought. But, she hadn't called Mr. and Mrs. Zero yet. She could just claim she talked to them—she was nervous and unsettled enough that Penn wouldn't doubt her for a second.

But then, chickening out wouldn't be very heroic, now, would it? And part-time sidekick or not, she was still a good guy, and good guys didn't just back out without _very_ good reason.

She activated the MUHU, watched as it projected a screen into the Most Dangerous World Imaginable.

This day, Brock and Vonnie found themselves in a tropical area, one filled to the brim with boat-and-flesh eating monsters in the water, alongside intelligent civilizations who hated boats and had a taste for human flesh. The two of them were standing on some seaside cliffs, if the waves crashing onto the rocks, the sounds of the turbulent sea nearby, and the angry Shark People climbing after them with murder in their eyes were anything to go by.

“Oh hi Sashi!” Vonnie said as she spun a hapless Shark Person round and round by their tail and their dorsal fin. “Where's Penn? That rash on his butt started acting up again?” She let go and sent her victim careening back into the sea, taking with them several of their brethren that had the misfortune of lining up in a row.

Sashi stared in a mixture of disgust, amusement, and mute horror. It suddenly felt like something was keeping her throat in a vice grip, making it difficult to breath, let alone talk.

Brock dodged and ducked while he was caught in between two Shark People and their sickles. He let out a few grunts and cries as he effortlessly disarmed the both of them, stole their weapons, and sent them both teetering on the edge of a cliff by their hind legs. He turned to the screen and peered at Sashi with a serious, thoughtful expression.

“Hmm… I think Penn's not coming on because Sashi wants to talk with us in private!”

One of the Shark Persons regained their footing on the cliff. They grabbed their still teetering friend and carefully pulled them back onto stable ground. Brock casually threw both sickles over his shoulder, both weapons conking the Shark People on their heads handle-first and sending them falling off the cliff anyway.

“You're lucky I'm not in the mood for sushi!” Vonnie yelled at the Shark People as she had several of them at bay with one of their longer blades. She turned to Brock and smiled. “And I was just about to say that, Brock! I'm _so_ proud you managed to figure that out on your own!”

Brock chuckled and lovingly looked at his wife while he stepped on a Shark Person's hand as they tried to grab his leg and pull him down. “Hey, when I've been living and fighting with you for so long, it figures some of your amazingness will rub off on me!”

Vonnie cast Brock an affectionate look back and the two of them locked eyes. The Shark Person attacking Brock yelped and tried to pull his foot off their hand to little avail.

Sashi watched, debating hanging up and lying to Penn. Instead, she coughed loudly.

Brock and Vonnie broke out of their trance and turned back to her, resuming their casually and expertly handling the new wave of Shark People trying to kill them as they listened.

“… I, uh...” The screen started shaking, Sashi grabbed the arm holding the MUHU, and steadied it. “I…” She squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in a deep breath. “I'm-in-love-with-Penn-and-we're-dating!”

“Come again, sweetie?” Vonnie asked. “Sorry, but I couldn't understand you!”

Sashi whined in frustration. She took in another deep, seething breath, and opened her eyes. “I'm in love with Penn, and we're dating.” She repeated more slowly.

All activity in the Most Dangerous World Imaginable stopped as Brock and Vonnie stared at Sashi. Even the Shark People paused their assault, warily watching the couple and casting each other nervous glances.

Sashi resisted the urge to look away or hang up on them.

Vonnie smiled. “It's about time! I was wondering when you two would finally get together!”

Now it was Sashi's turn to stare.

“We've always known it was a question of 'when' not 'if,' Sashi.” Brock explained as he caught a heavily armoured elite Shark Warrior who was trying to jump on him. “Why do you think we always kept teasing you two and dropping some very unsubtle hints?” He said as he wrestled with his foe, stole his sickles, and used them to destroy the bindings keeping the Shark Warrior's armour together.

The unlucky soldier's leg armour broke off and fell to the ground, leaving the Shark Warrior's lower half completely exposed. Their hands reflexively flew to cover over themselves, Brock planted a solid kick to their still armoured stomach. They tumbled back into the sea, unsure if they should flail their arms and try to keep their balance or try to keep themselves somewhat decent.

Sashi kept on staring, her expression blank, and her mouth open.

“I'd like to apologize for how long it might have taken Penn to finally realize he's in love with you!” Vonnie said as she rode on the back of a different Shark Warrior, casually dodging and evading every one of their attempts to throw her off. “Being oblivious to love seems to be genetic.”

Vonnie jumped off the Shark Warrior, sending them tipping off the cliff and landing next to the pansted Warrior from earlier. They averted their eyes while their companion awkwardly found refuge by some waist-high rocks.

“Yeah, we Zeroes tend to be pretty dense when it comes to romance, but I like to think that's so we find an absolutely _amazing_ woman that can get through our skulls and straight into our hearts.” Brock said as he casually slammed a third Shark Warrior's head against the rocks, slowly cracking their helmet open.

“Aww, thanks, Brock!” Vonnie cried. “And if it wasn't clear: we approve wholeheartedly, Sashi! Ah, I wish I could be there and see just how adorable you two--!”

A low, ominous bellowing echoed throughout the sea and the cliffs. The Shark People started retreating as Brock and Vonnie looked offscreen, towards the sea.

“Hmm, looks out they finally brought their Big Guys and Gals out!” Brock said.

“I'm sorry, but we'll have to cut this call short, Sashi!” Vonnie said. “Tell Penn we love him, and congratulations to the both of you for finally hooking up!” She continued before she grabbed a large chunk of broken armour and held it over her head like a surfboard.

Brock grabbed a second chunk, waved goodbye, and followed after his wife.

The feed automatically ended.

Sashi stood there in Penn's room, still holding the MUHU and her arm, just blankly staring at the space where the screen was.

Penn knocked on the door. “Sash? You okay in there?”

Sashi calmly strode over to the door, and flung it open. She shoved Penn's MUHU into his hands, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in, then shut the door with her foot.

Penn smiled. “So, how'd things go?”

Sashi sighed. “Oh, just shut up and make out with me, alright?”


End file.
